I can do this...

My son was slouched in the chair next to my bed.

My wife was on the floor, her head bowed—hair covering her face.

It was about 10 PM. We were all exhausted. I had finally stopped gagging, spitting and choking. My breathing was starting to return to normal. I had gotten home from four grueling days at the hospital that afternoon.

Earlier that evening my first tube feeding had not gone well. I was overly fatigued from four days of nurses and doctors, and my PEG surgery. Phlegm had built up in my throat, the food went in okay, but it wanted to come up prematurely. The pungent smell of curry from the next-door neighbors' kitchen didn't help the situation. I started to aspirate. There was little that we could do. I didn't want to go back to the hospital. After struggling with ALS for eight years, I felt like finally just giving up.

However, my wife and son didn't give up on me. They did everything they could to keep me comfortable. They held my head while I spit. They stroked my back while I gagged. They told me that they loved me – that I would be okay. They were patient, loving and caring as they always have been. They suffered with me. They share the same disease.

I looked at them in the soft glow of my night lamp.

I realized that is because of them that I am still alive. I realized that the bond we have has never been stronger, the love never brighter. I was grateful. I was amazed at their endurance, loyalty, patience and sacrifice. I prayed that God would reward them for me. I promised to do as much as I could to make their lives more joyful. I vowed to smile more often. I swore to remember to express my gratitude daily. I decided to stay alive for them, and for myself. I will continue to battle ALS for all of us.

It's now almost two weeks later, two weeks since my surgery. It really has been a very slow recovery. I don't think that we realized how weak I was before going to the hospital. I had not been getting enough food or water. It's a good thing that we decided on the surgery at the correct time.

I am definitely feeling better every day. My body is getting used to the new diet, I don't feel so hungry as before. My energy is returning. My spirits are more positive. My wife has done super, wonderful job. She has really become my 24-hour a day nurse. I get fed three times a day. It takes about one hour, by drip directly to my stomach. I always feel comfortably full afterwards. Then usually I take a short nap. I am sleeping more and more, but that's okay – I enjoy napping.

My breathing is doing okay, except when I try to talk or try to work on the computer – then I quickly become exhausted and out of breath. I hope this will improve. The consequence is that I don't get to work on my writing very much, just 30 or so minutes per day, when for the last five years I've been able to work on my writing three or four hours per day. This is frustrating for me, but it's just another challenge, another adjustment to be made. My imagination is as fertile as ever, there are characters and stories still fighting to come out on to the page.

I can do this. I just have to make sure that I use each moment wisely. I have to live in the present with love and gratitude surrounding me.